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Stage-Five Clingers? Drunk Eating? Naps? 21 Stages Girls Go Through On A Night Out

by Vivian KELLY Published on 9 May 2014
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You know what we're like before a girl's night out but what about during? It all plays out in our memory like a movie... free booze, sleazy guys, perspiring drunks and the cheeky toilet attendant (love her really). But boys, there's a WHOLE LOT more you need to know. Here are the 20 stages we go through on a girl's night out...

1. First stop - the bar!

After we've got ready for a GNO and have finally made it to the club, it's high time for a top up. With SHOTS. Apple Sourz, Goldschläger, Sambuca - the works. Yep, we're already liquored up, but there's no stopping us now...

2. #gossipfail

WHAT?! We can't hear a damn thing. P.S. Yelling over the music doesn't work.

3. No point in trying...

...so instead we stand awkwardly or sit (obvs), drink more, smile at each other and WAIT. As soon as the club is brimming with drunk people we can all start making fools of ourselves too, right?

4. The stage-five clinger

If an annoying guy starts talking to us - we go with it, get the drink and walk away. Done. (Sorry boys, but that's reality.)

5. Er, more alcohol please!

If we’re with a table we’re never satisfied with how our drink is poured by the host. THIS TASTES LIKE JUICE. More vodka please!

6. Dancing like there’s no tomorrow

That is, until someone spills their beer on us. OH HELL NO.

7. It starts getting MESSY

And let's not even talk about the people who shove through the crowd, push inebriates over or rub their sweat all over us. Eugh.

8. The I-need-the-toilet-stare

That’s code for "I need to go to the toilet now and you need to come with me." No need for words here. Just grab hands and tackle the crowd!

9. The toilet attendant

Those toilet attendants are always up to something. Tricking us into buying a spritz of perfume or a lollipop. But um, I only used the soap?

10. But we're cheeky too...

The toilet attendant isn't just everyone's go-to emergency friend on a GNO, she’s our photographer too. How else will we get those classic toilet shots?

11. Blurred lines

Our sense of ‘let's stay together’ no longer exists. (At this point we work better in pairs.)

12. Where is…?

...our BFF? In the toilet, throwing up, then making her way out with security. BUT we only find this out in the morning. Oops.

13. There's ALWAYS someone nodding off

...on a seat with their head buried in their lap. Even though they said they were only a "little drunk" five minutes ago.

14. The eager guy

The dude who creeps up from behind and attempts to dry hump us (i.e. grind)? NO. It's SKANK.

15. The wing man

If someone hits on your girlfriend you know very well who the other guy hanging around is. *Hand in the air*. Please, just cut the sh*t.

16. The groper

The man-child who STILL feels the need to grab a woman’s butt as she walks past. *Eyeroll.

17. The dwindling music

…why are they playing these crappy tunes? This is DJ code for "get the hell out of my night club." The night's over girls. We outta here.

18. ACTUALLY managing to make it home

Somehow, we all drunkenly stumble into a taxi. And we’re ALL together! Impressive, right? Did we mention we can run better in heels too? We're pretty happy with ourselves.

19. Napping...

…until someone mentions McDonald’s! Need. Food. Now.

20. The early morning panic attack

OH GOD. Where am I? Where’s my phone? Where's my bag?

21. The hilariously cringeworthy review

And now's time for the morning recap - over more food obvs. Nando’s anyone?

Sound familiar? What happens on you GNO? Tweet us @sofeminineUK!

by Vivian KELLY 100 shares

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