1. 'It's only a game' (or any variety of this)
You couldn't be more wrong in his eyes. If he doesn't have a bet riding on this, his pride is on the line and you're not prepared to stroke his ego when his team potentially lose.
2. 'What's the off-side rule?'
Time is precious. Do you really think he has minutes to "waste" explaining this when you both know you're not in the slightest bit interested, it's just your attempt to make conversation?
3. Proceeding to ask: 'Was that offside?' 'What about that?' when it definitely isn't
You might as well plan your own funeral.
4. Praising the opposing team
Remember you have to share a bed with this guy.
5. 'Do we *have* to watch this?'
He'll take that as a rhetoric question. There's no question about it.
6. Laughing at his team's expense
C'mon, we all make mistakes. Granted they're a lot funnier when you have x million eyes on you and are being paid stupid amounts to miss every single shot. *Cough* Harry Kane *cough*.
7. Slyly turning the match over to X trashy reality series when he leaves the room
That's what Netflix is for.
8. Mistaking players for other ones
Even if you swear Harry Kane and Eric Dier are the same person, he won't appreciate you not knowing his team's entire squad. Speaking from experience FYI.
9. 'Well hello X hot striker'
Never judge a book by its cover and all that.
10. 'This isn't even your team'
Spoiler: with big competitions like the Euros 2016, it's very likely your long-suffering partner wants to watch as many games as possible 'cos he can and it's a once-in-four-years event - something he'll regularly remind you about.
11. Disagreeing when he says the ref is wrong
Don't you remember, he's got some sort of mental certificate which qualifies him to ref an international game? Props for trying to show genuine interest though.
12. 'I hope it goes to penalties'
In your heart of hearts, you really don't as it means two things - 1. you have to endure this suffering for an extra half an hour and 2. do you really want to have to console him? You're already never going to get these 90 minutes back.
13. Telling him to sit down
Do you know how stressful this is? Big matches can only be watched leaning on a door or wall or pacing around the room.
14. 'Your team are so s**t'
Chances are, he's already thinking this but doesn't want you to reiterate it because he knows you speak the truth.
15. 'I can't believe they get paid so many millions to kick a ball around'
The same could be said for the entire Kardashian family and you know this is the example he'll use to back his defence.
16. 'Why are we paying for Sky+ if you're not even using it?'
17. Launching an elaborate rant about X friend who's currently getting right on your tits
There's a time and a place. This is not it.
18. 'Some snacks would be great right now'
If he can't be arsed to spare a few minutes to explain the off-side rule, you've got more chance of him turning the game over than going on a chocolate run.
If all else fails, offer hearty 'c'mons' at regular intervals but if that doesn't work, leave the room. It's best for both of you.
Have you ever put your foot in it during a football match? Share your stories @soFeminineUK
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