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Botox For Your Butthole Is On The Rise

Pascale Day
by Pascale Day Published on 10 April 2017

First came anal bleaching, and now bumhole botox is an actual thing. We are on a mission to make our anuses look tight and white, like the most unholy halo. And there's one guy who's making that dream a reality for many...

Word on the street is that buttholes are not sexy enough right now. They're a corporeal eyesore. A dilapidated high-rise in the middle of the beautiful, lush landscape of your body. We don't just want any old janky b-hole. We want a beautiful one. The best one. Majestic, shiny, breathtaking. A work of art. We want the Heidi Klum of anuses. It needs to look so good that when people see it, they forget that its primary purpose is pooping. That's where butthole botox comes in.

Dr. Evan Goldstein is considered the butthole saviour for many. Goldstein is the founder of Bespoke Surgical, which the website states is an "elite practise purpose-built for today's male" with a focus on sexual wellness through "prevention, restoration and rejuvenation". According to Vice, a growing number of people who enjoy anal sex are booking in with Goldstein to get an aesthetically-pleasing anus.

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One of the treatments on offer is the anal botox, a process which paralyses the sphincter muscles, and ultimately makes it easier to pop a penis or sex toy up there. Not all of the procedures on offer are purely aesthetic, though. Many of the concerns clients have about their anuses can be due to undiagnosed medical issues such as hemorrhoids, anal warts, abscesses or fistulas. Goldstein's main concern is treating these medical problems by removing any anal warts which automatically make the bum look 'nicer'.

Medical issues aside, the real problem here is that our culture insists every part of a person be perfect - even down to the anus. The body's primary functions just aren't good enough anymore - they must be bigger, smaller, stronger, lighter, tighter, brighter, darker. Goldstein says business really started booming for him around five years ago when his clients - the majority of whom are gay men - began asking for more "lickable, playable" holes. Now anal rejuvenation counts for around 90% of his business.

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We get it, no one wants that Medusa butthole - no one wants their playmate to look directly into the eye of the storm and immediately turn to stone at the sheer ghastliness of it. But - and I never thought I'd say these words - is there anything wrong with a more natural bum? As Groove Armada once told us, if everybody looked the same, we'd get tired of looking at each other. We need to stand tall and say "This is my butt. There are many like it but this one is mine. Primary function: pooping. Secondary function: pleasure." Accept your bum for what it is and others will too. No more cookie cutter bungholes PLEASE.

Would you ever get bumhole botox? Let us know! @soFeminineUK

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by Pascale Day

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