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Turns Out Millennials Will Take Their Porn Without A Side Of Boob, Thank You Very Much

Pascale Day
by Pascale Day Published on 17 August 2017

I'll say it once and I'll say it again: millennials suuuuck. They suck so hard. Fidget spinners are stupid, we're ruining McDonald's for everyone, we drink cocktails out of jam jars, we share way too much, our babies have dumb names, the film industry is basically over because of us, and I have one final word for you: veganism. Now we have the audacity to ruin boobs.

This is where I draw the line. This is an intervention. Fidget spin all you like, but do not destroy the sacred search for the blessed breast.

PornHub teamed up with Mashable and have been looking into users' searches around the topic of boobs, and found that 18-24 year olds were 19% less likely to search for anything to do with boobs than older generations, while 25-34 year olds were 11% less likely. What you got against titties, guys?

But fear not, 'cause those golden oldies have got our backs - and our fronts, apparently. As users got older they were more likely to search for boobs - for example, the 55-64 age group is 17% more likely than the average user to search for breasts on the site. And if you really wanted some insight into what those older folks are looking for, the number one breast-related search term is "big tits", followed closely by "big boobs" and "huge tits". Lovely stuff.

But when millennials do decide they want to see boobs, PornHub's research shows that they prefer to search for fake breasts. Once again the older generations are supporting natural breasts - or at least they wish they were supporting real breasts. With their hands. Hey-ooh!

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via GIPHY

In all seriousness though, 55 to 64 year olds prefer to search for natural breasts. They just can't get on board with these new-fangled breasts pumped to the nips with saline and sillicone. They like to keep things more old fashioned below the clavicle - they want to see Civil War era bazoomas attached to their women and we have to respect that.

Look, maybe boobs have just got too fussy recently - I mean, people are attaching fidget spinners to their nipples. It's all too much. If that was an attempt to get young people into looking at boobs online by luring them in with 2017's most favourite gadget, it has obviously failed.

But hey, we're the most technologically advanced generation out there (f*ck off Gen Z with your Musical.ly apps and your dangerous selfies), so maybe our search terms are more nuanced in terms of what kind of porn we're looking for. I mean - unless you're a gay man of course - when you're watching porn it's pretty much guaranteed there will be a pair of boobs in there somewhere. It's an unwritten rule.

We all know how bad older people are at looking for things online, too. My mum has trouble uploading photos to facebook every single time she does it, and she does it a lot. And it's really easy. Older porn users probably aren't quite sure what to type into the search bar - like, remember that cute old lady who was inserting "please" and "thank you" into her google search terms? Imagine that, but on PornHub. I think it's safe to assume that the older generations aren't quite sure what they're doing, but they know they want to see boobs, unaware that they will probably be present no matter what their search. I'm confident that there have been quite a few "big tits please" terms. Baby boomers just have better manners.

What do you make of PornHub's research? Let us know! @sofeminineUK

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by Pascale Day

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